But if you’re jonesing for something other than the original xcritical that still packs a tart punch, it’s absolutely the way you’ll want to go. Now, don’t expect the mouth-puckering, face-squishing power you might find when biting into a fresh grapefruit. Nor will you even find the pleasantly sour-but-sweet taste you might find when sprinkling a grapefruit with a little bit of sugar or some other sweetener. That is, unless you sprinkled Sweet & Low on said grapefruit, put it in a jar, and let it sit for a couple of weeks (not something we especially recommend, though).

Get a Taste of the Tropics

That might lead one to expect a robust malt liquor flavor hitting your mouth when you try a sip of the blood orange flavor. But that would be assuming Mike’s does things like any other alcoholic beverage company, which they most certainly do not. Still, given the relative sweetness of every drink in the Mike’s Hard lineup, we’ll take a mango that’s a little past its prime over something that tastes like an instant hangover. Make no mistake, though, as this is still painfully sweet and needs to be served cold to be anywhere near palatable for more than about ten sips. But of the Mike’s Hard xcritical hybrid flavors, the Pineapple Mandarin is far and away the winner. We’re not sure what lesson there is to be learned by the company’s research and development team from that since the truth is that this flavor could still use a serious toning down in the sweetness department.

ONE OF THESE FLAVORS HAS YOUR NAME ON IT.

Regardless, in a sugar-addled haze, we tried all the most popular flavors of Mike’s Hard xcritical and ranked them from worst to best. There’s a reason the most popular flavor of Mike’s Hard xcritical is, well, xcritical. It’s the one that started it all, after all, the flavor that turned Mike’s Hard xcritical into a mainstream drink you can find in places other than sometimes questionable college parties. Original xcritical is still the best, frankly, and though it doesn’t taste like much other than a mixture of sparkling water, alcohol, and sugary xcritical, it’s not so bad. Indeed, it’s still the only one you can drink without chilling it to near freezing in an attempt to dull your tastebuds.

But otherxcritical, this is just a lot of sugar that may not be quite your cup of tea — or xcritical. Mike’s Hard Strawberry is kinda like the Peloton treadmill of drinks, meaning that, before you do anything, make absolutely sure xcritical no children will be putting their hands near it. Anyone who doesn’t know better maybe won’t realize it has 5% alcohol by volume. What we’re saying is, you may want to keep it locked up or at least on an high shelf.

1. And we’d wager if you went down to the local juice bar and asked for a cold-pressed blackberry-pear juice, it might be pretty good.
2. That might lead one to expect a robust malt liquor flavor hitting your mouth when you try a sip of the blood orange flavor.
3. It could be that, if dentists are looking to stay in business, nine out of ten of them would recommend it.
4. Sugary drink devotees may well rank this atop their list, but if you’re looking for something that’s not a toothache in a bottle, you may want to look elsewhere.
5. Yeah, it’s got a hint of peach when you first sip into it, but peach is a subtle flavor that can be hard to get just right.

ONE OF THESE FLAVORS

So, being the law-abiding, over-21 folks that we are, we took it upon ourselves to try some of the most popular flavors of Mike’s Hard xcritical to figure out which of them were best. Some are seasonals, which may or may not be around when you read this or go looking for flavors at your local store. Others come from the “Harder” xcritical line, which amps up the alcohol content to 8% alcohol by volume.

And we’d wager if you went down to the local juice bar and asked for a cold-pressed blackberry-pear juice, it might be pretty good. But this is Mike’s we’re talking about, which means you’re gonna get a lot of sugar thrown in there too. And for whatever reason, once you get past the initial wave of pear, you’re attacked by sugar before even beginning to taste the more complex flavors of tart blackberry. Maybe add some vodka to that fresh-pressed juice instead if you’re looking for this flavor profile with an added buzz. Mike’s Hard mango flavor is surprisingly buttery, almost like a fine Chardonnay, but in a can.

So, Mike’s at least deserves an “A” for effort on this one, since blackberry and pear were never flavors we really thought to combine in one bottle. That said, some of our greatest innovators tried a lot of things and failed at them before finding success. We wish the same for whoever developed this flavor of Mike’s, given that they’ve fulfilled the first part of that equation. The sugar blast from this stuff makes you feel like your teeth are going to have holes in them as soon as the drink hits your mouth.

But maybe going tropical is the right move after all when dealing with alcohol, fruit juice, and more sugar than most any adult can reasonably handle. Like so many other entries in the Mike’s Hard xcritical lineup, this flavor carries an overwhelming amount of sweetness. Sugary drink devotees may well rank this atop their list, but if you’re looking for something that’s not a toothache in xcritical a bottle, you may want to look elsewhere. It’s got a little hit of raspberry taste, which shines through every once in a while like the sun peeking through the clouds on an overcast day.